Did you know that science has confirmed 13 specific actions that married couples can do to keep their sex life sizzling in passion!
In a fascinating book titled The Normal Bar, authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte conducted an online study with 70,000 people in 24 countries.
And they were curious about what lead to married couples having great sex and other married couples having bad sex. The results showed some very specific and easy to use actions to improve and spice up your sex life!
In fact there are 13 actions couples who have great sex lives do. Here is the list of the 13 actions of couples who have great sex.
Action #1: They say “I love you” every day and mean it
Sounds simple but it is true. Couples who have great sex actually tell each other that they love each other and mean it. It is not merely words they say to each other but there words actually have meaning to it.
I know you know the difference between you partner just using the words “I love you” and having meaning behind the words “I love you”.
You feel something entirely different when you hear the special meaning behind the words I love you.
Therapist Hot Sex Tip:
So look your partner in the eye and tell them you love them. Include a couple of reasons why you love them as well.
Action #2: They kiss one another passionately for no reason
Kissing passionately for no reason means that you are not kissing your partner to get something from them. Meaning you are not kissing them so that you can have sex with them. You are kissing them because you love showing them how you feel about them!
If you only are kissing each other when one of you wants sex, I guarantee you that your sex life will SUCK!
If you only are kissing each other when one of you wants sex, I guarantee you that your sex life will Suck!
Marriage Therapist Tip for Hot Sex Tip:
Kiss each other for at least 10 seconds
Before you leave each other
When you arrive home
Also find random moments to just grab your partner and convey how you feel about them with a sensual passionate kiss.
Action #3: They give surprise romantic gifts
Romantic gifts tell your spouse that they are on your mind even when they are not around you. These are simple gifts folks. Something like...
Small note, writing out what you love about them
Breakfast in bed
Flowers
Buy them a shirt or pants your spouse has been wanting
Chocolate
Favorite brand of ice cream.
Flowers
Trip to sauna
Marriage Therapist Tip for Hot Sex:
For next 8 weeks plan out at least 1 surprise romantic gift for your spouse in your calendar and give them this gift!
Action #4: They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
It is important that couples have a map of their spouses erotic world. If you do not have a map of what turns your spouse on, then how are you supposed to be able to turn them on?
A map of your spouses erotic world will help you not drive around blindly and help you get to your desired destination without any hiccups. And the desired destination is pleasure town for your spouse!
If you do not have a map of what turns your spouse on, then how are you supposed to be able know how to bring them erotic pleasure?
Marriage Therapist Tip For Hot Sex
Make a diary in your phone and write down all the answers to these questions.
What 5 things you do that turns your spouse on?
How does your spouse like to be touched during foreplay? What about during sex?
What different styles of sex do they like? Slow and passionate? Rough and passionate? Quickies? Long and delightful?
What parts of their bodies feel the most pleasure when you kiss them?
What can you do more of emotionally to make your spouse feel safer expressing to you their sexual desires and fantasy's?
Action #5: They are physically affectionate, even in public
Touch is critical for your connection and also crucial for great sex. If you never touch each other unless it is for sex, you will feel taken advantage of and sex will actually begin to repulse you.
If you never touch each other unless it is for sex, you will feel taken advantage of and sex will actually begin to repulse you.
Touching each other during the day can look like...
Squeezing your partners butt when you walk by (my personal favorite)
Hugging them from behind while they are doing dishes (my personal favorite)
Back scratches (my personal favorite)
Holding hands in the car (my personal favorite)
As you can see I have a big list of personal favorites (lol). Touch is critical to helping us feel afectionate but also connected to each other in a deep way.
So make sure you do alot of touch and try to gross out your kids and friends haha.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip:
Attempt to touch each other too much! Every time you are together your bodies should touch in some sort of fashion.
So when you are out in public make sure you are holding each others hands. Put your hands on each other when you sit down and watch a movie or if you go to dinner.
Action #6: They keep playing and having fun together
Did you know that fun and playfulness is one of the biggest erotic things you can do with one another! Laughter is good medicine to the heart. But laughter is also great medicine to awaken your sexual parts!!!
So if you want to have alot of pleasure in your life. Make sure you are laughing with one another alot!
Laughter is good medicine to the heart. But laughter is also great medicine to awaken your sexual parts!!!
Go and do something fun whether that be going to park and swinging on swings. Playing a board game. Anything that has you smiling and laughing will do.
Your ability to play and feel playful makes both of you feel very safe with each other and accepted. And those are powerful agents to letting your body feel sexual desire for your spouse and sexual pleasure with your spouse.
Marriage Therapist Tip for Hot Sex Tip:
At least once a week do something that is fun together and you both can be silly and let loose.
Action #7: They cuddle
Cuddling is awesome! Cuddling makes us feel connected with each other. Cuddling makes us feel safe with each other.
If you never cuddle just to cuddle with one another, you will never have great sex. Because cuddling just to cuddle allows us to just be with our partner skin on skin which is imperative to feeling safe enough to venture into sexual adventure with each other.
If you never cuddle just to cuddle with one another, you will never have great sex
Marriage Therapist Tip for Hot Sex:
Cuddle with your partner with the intention of you just wanting to be close to them. No other agenda for cuddling other than just wanting to be close to them.
Action #8: They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
Life is too short to not have great passionate and pleasurable sex. Sex is supposed to help you feel
Relaxed
Connected
Desired
Important
Sexy
Adventurous
Dirty in a good way lol
Less stressed
These are great personal benefits but also great relational benefits. Sex is designed to be a win-win for everyone involved!
Sex is designed to be a win-win for everyone involved!
Life can be super busy and stressful. But the business and stress of life cannot constantly put sex on the last item of the to do list. Remember sex is a huge part of feeling connected and desired to each other.
Sex is super important for both men and women. This is not just for men. This is for women as well.
Must I remind you women that God has given you several spots inside your vagina and outside of your vagina that will cause you to orgasm.
Or must I remind you women that you can have multiple orgasms at once while most normal men can have only one orgasm during sex.
So God has designed women's bodies to experience massive amount of sexual pleasure from sex.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip: Prioritize time for sexual play, sexual touch and sexual exploration in your sexual intercourse times. And allow yourself to feel the pleasure that the touch provides to your body.
Action #9: They stay good friends
You and your spouse should be best friends. You should know everything about each other. You should love doing things with each other.
You and your spouse should be best friends
Now being good friends does not mean that you and your spouse share the same interests.
What being good friends means is that you are interested in what your spouse is interested in. You are interested in your spouses interests because want to show your spouse that their interests are important to you. And you want your spouse to know that they are very important to you.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip: Talk with your spouse about their day. Find out everything you can about their day.
Also find some hobbies or activities that your partner enjoys and do that activity or hobby with them.
Action # 10: They can talk comfortably about their sex life
Can you talk to your spouse about what you like and do not like in the bedroom?
Can you talk to your spouse about your sexual insecurities?
Can you talk to your spouse about what you like and do not like in the bedroom?
It is imperative that you and your spouse talk openly about sex frequently. Just because you talked to each other about what you like or don’t like or your insecurities around sex 10 years ago does not mean you never talk about sex again.
There needs to be a clear channel of communication about sex if you want to have great sex with your spouse on a regular basis. Because interests change, bodies change, desire changes.
And if you are not able to talk about these issues and feel comfortable, most likely you are hiding these issues from your spouse which will kill your sex drive and your sex life.
Can you talk to your spouse about your sexual insecurities?
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip: Have a conversation this week about what you like in your sex life and what you would like to see more in your sex life as a couple.
Action #11: They have weekly dates
For couples who are busy and have young kiddos this one is tough. But it is imperative to your marriage and also your own emotional well being to have weekly date nights.
Being able to unwind from a long and tiring week of managing schedules, career, managing the house and kids can leave you drained.
Schedule date night on the calendar and treat your date night like you would treat a business meeting that you cannot miss.
This time together on a date away from the house will help give you a little bit of life because you both are giving so much to your family at the present moment.
Essentially you are giving your marriage and both of your emotional selves a much needed hit of rejuvenation.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip:
Schedule at least 4 weeks out of date nights with your spouse.
Look at your calendar and book the date nights as if you are booking a meeting in your work schedule or book the date like you would book your children's music lesson on the schedule.
Do not try to schedule date nights last minute because it will never happen!
Action #12: They take romantic vacations
You need quality one on one time for a long duration of time.
Maybe that is for a weekend.
Maybe it is for an overnight date.
Maybe its for a whole week.
Whatever the duration you both need time alone with each other for longer duration of time.
Your marriage and your emotional well being needs quality one on one time for a long duration of time.
Time away from the hustle and bustle of life. Time away from the loving demands of your children. Time away from the real world.
This time so that you both can enjoy and relax with one another.
So that you come back rejuvenated and deeply connected in order to take on all that life has to give you.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip: Find a date on the calendar in the near future to plan a weekend getaway.
Nothing fancy.
But something that you both would enjoy and would both bring you pleasure, enjoyment, and relaxation.
Action #13: They are mindful about turning toward each other
Turning toward each other is paying attention to each other. Such as...
Paying attention when your spouse speaks to you.
Paying attention when your spouse gets frustrated.
Paying attention when your spouse has something excited they want to share with you. `
Paying attention when your spouse is concerned about something
Paying attention by asking your spouse questions
The more you pay attention to each other, the more connected you will feel because your focus is on each other and your connection.
Turning toward each other is paying attention to each other
Your relationship and your emotional well being needs your spouses attention and vice versa.
Marriage Therapist Hot Sex Tip: Pay attention when your spouse speaks.
Ask questions about your spouses feelings.
Ask questions about what was good with their day.
Conclusion
As you can see that the actions that lead to hot sex in a marriage will actually lead to you and your spouse feeling super emotionally connected.
Thus hot sex comes from safe emotional connection. The more connected you feel with your spouse the hotter, more passionate and pleasurable sex will be for both of you!
Have fun in the bedroom with this list guys!!
If you want to schedule a free 2 hour EFT Marriage Breakthrough Session you can either call or text. Or you can fill out scheduling form.
Dedicated to your marriage and families success.
Luke Dickens MMFT
Luke Dickens is the Founder of Dickens Marriage Therapy in Southlake Texas. He has a scientifically validated therapy that heals marriages that suffer from affairs to communication issues and more. Using EFT couples therapy, there is over 89% success rate with couples going through the therapy process.
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